My Story Being “Single”

My Story Being “Single”

Disclaimer: I originally made a post on my engagement story back in May 2014 but the other night I was editing my website and accidently deleted it…eek! I was so upset but instead of getting worked up, I decided to write my story about being single, and I will be sharing my engagement story on the next episode of “Dating with Purpose”. (Stay Tuned

I hope the next few minutes of reading my story inspires you to surrender your will to God & let him write your love story and heal every wound from your past relationships.

When I was single, I didn’t know how to be single. My worth was completely wrapped up in dating and having a man or getting a man to fill a void that was getting deeper and deeper after every failed relationship. No one ever educated me on the importance of purity or how to date with purpose. So I started dating based on the relationships I saw around me. So this meant having friends with benefits, being intimate before marriage and putting my “boy”friends before God. It didn’t take me long to see that this pattern of dating was getting me nowhere. A week before I graduated from college in December 2010, I was sitting in my dorm, and I had an encounter with the holy spirit. At this point in my life, I was smoking multiple times a week…not cigarettes, dating without any intention of being in a relationship and still emotionally connected to the men in my past relationships. That night the holy spirit put on my heart that in order to have all that God had for me I needed to change my ways, i.e. stop drinking, smoking, and having sex with randoms. So I gave myself a week to transition into this new lifestyle, and essentially this started my journey of truly living for God & building a relationship with him.

Now although I had that experience, unfortunately that didn’t mean I was changed instantly. I still battled sin, I had to change my environment and thinking to prevent me from being sucked back into my bad habits. It was work. The next relationship I was in STILL didn’t resemble the kind of relationship God wanted me to be in so after sin & lust contaminated another relationship, God literally moved me out of the city I was in, to Dallas where I was totally heart broken, lost, empty and lonely. Even though I was so off balance in that season, I knew that the only way to move forward was to depend on God & to develop a strong relationship with him so in the future I would be so discerning that I could stop creating unnecessary battles and drama in my life. I remember one night I was reading the story in the bible about how it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day trip to the promise land.  At that moment I refused to be one of those women who go through a break up and 10 years later they are still sweating the situation. I decided to forgive, move on, go through the pain. Yes, it hurt but in order to get through it, you have to go through it.

At this time in my life God was introducing me to women of God who genuinely lived for him and were hip. Yes, there are Christians who preach dating with purity but honestly I didn’t see anyone who I was really inspired by or could relate to. My desire to know God started to trump my desire to be in a relationship.  I learned how to be single and content, I learned how to break soul ties and be free from past relationships. I learned to be at peace in my singleness, while understanding and BELEIVING that God knew the desires of my heart, so I trusted that he would send my husband when he saw fit.

Long before I knew I was getting married, I was being prepared. Spending time with God and studying his word ultimately prepared me to be in a relationship that glorified him. I was consistent with my relationship with him. Not to get a husband, but to really know him and walk in my purpose. I took my eyes off marriage and focused on Christ. I started “doing me” to the fullest. I went on mission trips, traveled the world, started my own business, went to graduate school and developed friendships with women who were like-minded.

God’s timing is so funny to me. I came in contact with my now fiancé so many times, and never knew it because God knew that neither one of us was ready. My fiancé and I went to the same university, never knew each other, never spoke to one another. We walked by each other on campus repeatedly but never spoke. I used to go to his football games and had no clue that 3 years later we would fall in love. It’s like God was keeping us hidden from each other until HIS perfect time. This amazes me.

For the sake of not turning this blog into a book, let me close by saying this…some people think God can’t use them because of their sin because they have fallen short. But that is so far from the truth. God uses imperfect people so unbelievers can relate to them. Yes, it takes work and discipline to get back on track but don’t let this scare you, it’s all so worth it. The bible says old things pass away and we are made new in Christ Jesus. Don’t ever think you are too deep in sin to get out. Jesus  has his hand extended waiting for you to latch on and accept his help. No one is too messed up to start new, his forgiveness is made available to everyone. If this is your desire, start by praying and pouring out to him, repent and ask for his guidance. Just like he delighted in the prodigals son returning home, he will delight in you.

Be encouraged,

God’s love for your surpasses your understanding.

Ashley Nicole

 December 18th, 2010- Graduation/ The day I made the decision to trust God and start walking with him, flaws & all.

December 18th, 2010- Graduation/ The day I made the decision to trust God and start walking with him, flaws & all.

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Check out my new YouTube series, "Dating with Purpose"