Why Me & My Fiancé Don’t Kiss…

Why Me & My Fiancé Don’t Kiss…

I know initially reading the title of this blog you are probably thinking…”WHHHHAT!? What is wrong with kissing? Kissing isn’t a sin! God didn’t say nothin bout kissing in the bible” lol and yes all these are true but let me tell you our story and why it was necessary for us.

So as a disclaimer, let me start off by saying that dating with purpose has no rule book and I only speak from my personal experience. I have found what works for me, and if I can inspire someone to do things in a healthy way I have reached my goal. For years I have read about couples testimonies & now I have my own. What’s special about this journey is that it’s ours and no one else’s. Yes, it may not be the most beautiful & yes it’s been challenging, but it’s ours, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For the sake of time I’m not going to discuss every single relationship I’ve been in, but let’s just say I’m grateful for all the relationships that ended, so better ones could fall in place. I learned some powerful lessons from ex-boyfriends and I’m grateful for where God has brought me. I don’t hold any resentment or bitterness to anyone, it all had to happen to lead me where I am at this very moment.  If you would like to know more about my story being “single”, I blogged about it {here}. Other than that, I don’t feel the need to rehash the details.

Prior to getting into a relationship with my fiancé I was not a virgin, but I was abstinent with the intention of being 1.) celibate until marriage, and 2.) my next boyfriend, would be my husband. Now I will be honest I got 1 out of the 2 right. (My boyfriend did become my fiancé and will be my husband 8/2/2014).  Early on in our relationship we struggled with abstinence because we didn’t set any boundaries and truthfully we didn’t have the conversation until after our first “mess up”. We both knew that we didn’t want our relationship to end up like the ones we had been in the past, where sex was the foundation and heart break was the outcome.  We decided to make a change. On a Saturday evening in November 2013, we met a pastor at church who was willing to pray with us and help us get back on track. We prayed, cried, repented and essentially at that meeting Carrington told me that he wanted to marry me and be obedient to what God was calling us to do, so we started to transition from “Dating” to “Courting”.

In the beginning we tried a lot of different things, but it almost seemed like the temptation was getting worse. At this point we were still boyfriend and girlfriend and although marriage was a topic of many discussions it appeared to be far off. What we identified is that when there were no boundaries in place, we were completely led by our emotions and that was an open door for the devil. Purity is not something that can be accomplished through legalistic rules, you honestly have to have a heart that desires to please God. This desire will trump the need to fulfil your lustful desires. It took us a while to see that we had to completely depend on God in this area, but we made a choice and commitment to practice abstinence until marriage. Our commitment included stopping anything that tempted us, i.e. kissing, because we wouldn’t want it to stop there, let’s just be real.

So what I’m saying is we decided to build a spiritual foundation first, to in essence create a foundation that will allow for the healthiest marriage. We didn’t want to jeopardize our relationship or the calling that God has on our lives.

So how did we do it?

We stopped:

Kissing

Having sex

We started:

Going on dates out of the house

Praying together

Respecting each other’s bodies

Stopped living in guilt and shame. (Understand we all make mistakes and its opposition who wants you stay in that negative state. Repent and push forward. )

No it wasn’t easy, but if you really want to do things Gods way it’s going to cost you something. We have all made mistakes. That’s a part of your journey, learn from it and move on. If you have struggled in this area, get rid of the guilt based mindset and allow Christ to make it beautiful again. Some people think God won’t be able to use them because of their sin and because they have fallen short. But that’s so far from truth. God uses imperfect people so nonbelievers can relate to them. Purity doesn’t mean we are better than anyone else, it means we are called to encourage one another. Nobody’s perfect, we all need a savior. And thank God that he is so forgiving and merciful. Anyone can turn from their sin right now and repent and start fresh. The bible says all things old pass away and we are made new in Christ Jesus. Don’t you ever think you are too deep in sin to get out. Jesus has his hand extended waiting for you to latch on and accept his help. If you honor God, he will honor you. Even if you have stumbled in the past, be encouraged because God's grace covers you.

This is not a blog giving you the okay to go sin & then purposefully repent, it’s a blog for women seeking to have a relationship with God but have failed in some areas.  

Below is the video of my proposal, OH!!! I almost forgot! I also, I struggled with not thinking I’d ever find someone who had swag and was serious about having a relationship with Christ. I felt like I would be more passionate about the Lord than other guys my age. If you have felt the same way, please know that this type of thinking is directly from the enemy. Just how God is developing you, he is preparing and developing your spouse. Don’t be afraid  of becoming "too religious". There is no such thing. The most beautiful relationship you will ever have is the one you have with God. Be encouraged. :-) 

The feeling of knowing your best days are ahead of you...I couldn't stop crying.

I caught the bouquet at my sorority sister’s wedding 10/26/2013. 

I caught the bouquet at my sorority sister’s wedding 10/26/2013. 

Flaws & All,

Ashley Ofuokwu

 

Also! Carrington & I will be sharing our story on my new series, “Dating With Purpose” in the next few weeks! SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss it! www.Youtube.com/AshleyEmpowers

 

Be Inspired & Follow @AshleyEmpowers