The "Ex-Factor"

"The Ex-Factor"

Intimidated by your spouse or boyfriends ex?…Hunny don’t even give those emotions the time of day!

Let me tell you a quick story…I was recently featured on a TV Show and I was thrilled about it! The days leading up to the show I got an e-mail with the final details of the broadcast and the individuals involved. As I kept scrolling down I noticed that my husband’s ex-girlfriend was on the segment with me! I WAS LIKE “WAIT WHAT…like, seriously? How in the world did this happen!? Now I had never had any interaction with her but all I could remember was how pretty she was and I felt an immediate sense of insecurity that spiraled into a whirlwind of negative thoughts and emotions.

Have you ever been in a situation that HASN’T EVEN happened yet but you begin to think the worst, and fear & anxiety start to invade your peace? Well this was me and I am typically a very “Zen” type person so I knew something wasn’t right and I knew I had to get my act together before I made my appearance.

So what did I do? How did I handle the intimidation & insecurity I was feeling toward his ex?

First, I kept it real with myself and my husband. I called him up & gave him the real…flaws & all, and his reaction was PRICELESS. He pretty much said… “Girl, boo, look at your left hand and stare at your wedding ring. You have nothing to be insecure about.” He prayed with me, we laughed and from that point on I decided to approach the situation with love rather than fear.

I know that there are many females who have dealt with an ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, baby mother etc. but let me encourage you to stop comparing yourself and recognize the beauty in who YOU ARE.  “EX’S” are irrelevant when you are in a healthy, loving relationship. Comparison never helps, it only fosters inadequacy and lets be real…insecurity is a terrible characteristic to have.

Here are a few recommendations on how to eradicate feelings of inadequacy, even if your man’s ex looks like the next Victoria’s Secret Model.

1.)        Pray- Ask God to remove all your insecurities and help you to love and celebrate the beauty in others. This may sound super crazy…but pray for her. Ask God to bless her, because whether you like it or not she was made in his image too.

2.)       Avoid Comparison- Remind yourself who you are. If your man's ex makes you feel insecure, deal with that emotion head-on. Acknowledge your insecurities, pray about them, journal them, but don't allow them to overtake your mind and devastate your relationship.

3.)       Set Clear Boundaries- My husband & I don’t discuss our past relationships and we sure don’t give details about the person. We leave the past in the past. I suggest limiting your conversations about the person unless of course they have children etc.

4.)       Stop Snooping Around- With social media being at our finger tips it’s easy to glance at someone’s Instagram or Facebook page to be nosey. This is a CODE RED & a big “no-no”. This will only cause you to create an imaginary story in your mind to later rehearse a lie in your head.

5.)        Have faith in your relationship- When my husband tells me he loves & only has eyes for me. I believe him. Don’t let the enemy fill your mind with lies. Have faith in your relationship and the fact that God brought you both together for a beautiful reason.

So what I’m really trying to say is keep your emotions in check and focus on the positives in your relationship and communicate when something isn’t “sitting right” with you.

As far as the TV show is concerned, it went amazing. I didn’t find it necessary to be “overly friendly”, but I was kind & sweet. There was no awkwardness, and we both nailed the show. I can literally look back and laugh at it now, but it was a powerful lesson learned. God is good. His love casts out all fear.

I hope this blog inspires you to be completely confident in yourself & your relationships. You are one of a kind. Literally. There is absolutely no one on this planet like you. Marvel in that.


With so much Love,

Ashley Brown

 My TV Appearance. 8/29/2014 (Excuse the quality, my husband snapped a picture of the TV lol)

My TV Appearance. 8/29/2014 (Excuse the quality, my husband snapped a picture of the TV lol)